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Can't catch a break

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Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Can't catch a break

I just can't catch a break. It seems as though we three and a half are in a perpetual state of sleep deprivation and illness, madly scrambling to try to keep up with day to day life. Alexis has been teething on and off since February. We have gone from two teeth to eight teeth in that time. She does not teeth well. In between teething we have had her with HFMD, Corey and I with various viral illnesses, my usual autumn sniffles, and a bit of morning sickness thrown in for good measure. The nights when Alexis does sleep well I have to fight my natural urge to go check on her, or that negative little "voice" in my head that says "don't bother sleeping she'll wake soon". The problem is she often DOES wake as soon as I get to sleep.

I know that I need to encourage Alexis (and myself) to develop better sleep habits. The problem is that she has been unwell or in pain so often there hasn't been an opportunity to try. When she is well and sleeps well we are too tired to play with fire by changing anything. We are always playing catch-up. I nap during the day when I can. It hinders my ability to sleep well at night but I need it to get through the day. I am always tired when I first go to bed, but after a few hours I wake needing the toilet and the baby is most often thrashing around then. In this cold its hard to get warm and comfy again. We have recently started putting the reverse cycle aircon on heat. It helps Alexis sleep but it irritates me because it cuts in and out every few minutes. Expensive too. I think its easier to be awake myself then have Alexis up and down all night. I want what's best for her, but is a sick cranky pregnant mother a good thing? I generally sleep well when we co-sleep but I think its better she sleep in her cot.

To top it all off I think I'm coming down with that nasty virus that's going around. We had a few good days last week so I took her to a playgroup for the first time. We both loved it and we want to check out the church that hosts it. We didn't go on Sunday because Alexis didn't sleep well Saturday night. I've been sniffly for a few days but I usually am at this time of year so I didn't think much of it. It's only tonight when the lady messaged me to see if we'd be there tomorrow and I said no we're sick that I learned there's a nasty tummy bug going through the playgroup. 

I stupidly went to playschool live on Monday even though I should have been quarantining Alexis and myself. I was really looking forward to going and I was meeting my sister and niece there and I had their tickets. I didn't think I was that sick plus I knew there'd be other selfish sick people there spreading their germs. Now I realise the extent of how sick I feel I am kicking myself over it. I'm so sorry to anyone I infected.

It was incredibly fun but I think the whole stress of going (getting everything ready, parking, walking for yonks trying to find the venue, carrying Alexis the whole time because they had a no pram policy and trying to contain an active toddler before, during and after the show before waking back again) brought me down enough for this virus thing to beat me.

I've been up for approximately 3 hours and it sucks. I've laid there trying to will myself to sleep. I've been to the bathroom. I spent hours trying to convice myself I didn't need to be sick then eventually couldn't hold it in anymore. This sucks. I normally discourage myself from vomiting because I'm pregnant and sort of breastfeeding too. I've been telling myself to keep everything down for months, especially the last few days, but maybe its best to let the virus out of my system. I don't know. I don't know whether I should get up and try to eat something or try to go back to sleep.

Occasionally Alexis cries out once but then no more noise from her. Do I go check on her to make myself feel better? Then I run the risk of waking her and getting her to sleep was a mammoth effort tonight, I didn't get her down til so late. She gets very active when she's sick. I am having trouble keeping up with her.

At least she is cute and loving. She knows I'm unwell. She gave me extra cuddles and kisses last night. I'm trying not to give her my germs but she's got them anyway. She needs cuddles with her mummy. Argh once again I have no idea what the best thing to do is and it drives me crazy.                

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At May 17, 2011 at 9:34 AM , Blogger Trik82 said...

Aww what a sweet little girl :o)
It's such a hard time your going through, one I remember all too well. Try not to be so hard on yourself!
I still have the problem with the nap during the day because your not sleeping at night, only to not sleep that night because of the nap during the day...grrr!!
I wish you all well soon, and that this difficult stage is almost over for you {{hugs}}


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