This Page

has been moved to new address

Spoiling her or doing my job?

Sorry for inconvenience...

Redirection provided by Blogger to WordPress Migration Service

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Spoiling her or doing my job?


I'm not wasting time, I'm investing it.

The thing I love most about being a stay at home mum is the freedom to forget the clock and focus solely on my daughter's needs. It is 9am and Alexis and I are still cuddled up in the family bed. We have been here since 4ish, after yet another difficult night of teething.

Apart from a brief interlude of making sure Corey got up and off to work on time, I have been lying here. I didn't need to check on Corey, he can get himself organised quite well, but because today is a "special'day for him and he had to leave an hour and a half earlier, I thought I should make sure. Besides, I actually like seeing him before he leaves for work (shh, don't tell anyone).

The fact of the matter is that Corey left at 6:30 and I've been lying here ever since, sometimes sleeping, sometimes feeding, sometimes cuddling Alexis while she cries in her sleep.

I have had to fight my urge to feel guilty for "wasting time" lazing about. The practical part of me says "put her in her cot and go and do something usefull".  As a housewife there is never a shortage of work to be done.  As a mother, though, I have seen how quickly this girl has grown up right in front of my eyes.  I could spout reasons to stay put such as "if I move her she will wake", "I can't leave her unattended while she is tossing and turning, it isn't safe", and "I'm tired too, we had a very unsettled night. I am entitled to a rest", and my favourite, "she is in pain but me being here makes her feel better".  These are all valid reasons but the honest truth is that I am enjoying this special time with my daughter and why shouldn't I?

If I had to rejoin the workforce for financial reasons then we could make it work. As a family we would all have to make sacrifices but we would be ok. We would have to be more organised, Alexis would have to be more independent, Corey would have to do more around the house (although he does lots as it is) and I couldn't afford the time to watch my daughter sleep.  Fortunately, it looks as though I will never have to work purely for financial reasons. Things change unexpectedly though so I am mindful to see this as a privilege not a right.       

While I am home, I want to make the most of it. I want to be fully available to my kids and my husband. I want to enjoy spending time with them and doing things for them without feeling guilty. If that means lazy cuddly mornings, then yay for me.

Not everybody understands this of course. I don't expect them to, but I won't be made to feel guilty, useless, lazy or foolish either. Some people, only trying to help of course, are big on routines. According to them I need to, with all due respect, stop spoiling the child. I am to wean, get her to put herself to sleep, and dose her up on panadol if she is in pain.  She is not alone in this way of thinking, it's very common, and its very practical. It is necessary for many working mums and even some stay at home mums swear by it.

It crosses my mind often too. I don't want Alexis to become a spoilt brat. She is not going to be an only child for ever and I need her to be ok with sharing me. I need to do dishes and cool meals and clean and wash and all that stuff too. I want her to be able to be babysat more easily so Corey and I can go on dates. I want to free myself up to be more available to my husband.

I can see the value of "cruel to be kind" but yet I just can't. I don't have to so I can't force myself to.  The essential housework still gets done and Corey and I still have quality time. So what does it matter?

In my eyes, Alexis is still that blue eyed tiny pink-skinned blob that gazed up at me so lovingly the first time we met. Even though she is now tall, dark eyed, walking, eating solids and having a great go at talking she is still my little baby. She always will be.  I comfort her when she cries. I do whatever I can to get a smile, or a giggle, or a kiss or a cuddle.

Do I spoil her? Am I making things harder for myself? I would like to think (so I do) that I am I just making the most of a few difficult weeks and when these teeth come through properly things will go back to normal. Maybe then I can slowly start toughening up a bit, but now is not the time.

Labels: , , ,


At May 22, 2011 at 11:06 PM , Blogger Rhianna said...

So glad you decided to post this it is a great post. I am with you all the way. You can never show a child to much love :) Enjoy every precious moment you can, if only more mothers were able to the world would probably be a better place

At May 23, 2011 at 11:12 AM , Blogger Nicole Harry said...

I agree with Rhianna! I am in the same boat and it really is a lovely little boat! Kids grow up so fast, make the most of it.

At May 26, 2011 at 3:35 PM , Blogger Julie said...

As you said they grow up all too quickly, so enjoy it while you can. I don't think you're spoiling her at all, no kid can get spoiled by being loved too much. ;-)


Post a Comment

If you would like to leave a comment please do, I love reading your comments.

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home