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Hubby to the rescue, stinky poo, and a rant about glass

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Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Hubby to the rescue, stinky poo, and a rant about glass

Who's dumbass idea was it to put baby food in glass jars? I've got half a mind to write to the major companies and complain. The other half of my mind can't be bothered, so I probably won't (laziness usually wins), but still I'm pretty mad right now.

Of course I am really only mad at myself. Not even mad, just cross and disappointed with a hint of "why me and why now" thrown into the mix. It was my stupid idea to buy the stupid jars. It was my lazy idea to feed the kid out of one.

I should have got her fresh food, but in my defence it was only desert and it was pear and banana, both of which have been evading my hunting at the supermarket lately. Alexis craves bananas. She saw her beautiful daddy come home from work via the shops with a bag of bananas just for her.  The other contents of the shopping is irrelevant to Alexis, there were bananas in there, therefore daddy went to the shops just for her. Well I, the mean horrible mummy that I am, saw the green tinge on the stem and decided that they would be more enjoyable tomorrow, so offered Alexis the jar of pear and banana puree instead. 

I must clarify I did NOT let Alexis touch the jar or play with the jar. We never do. It's just stupid to let a toddler play with glass. I endured the whining as I spoon fed her 'like a baby' out of the jar. My biggest mistake was letting her out of the highchair before I put the jar in the bin.

Again, as I worry immensely about the dangers of glass, I removed it from the table. I never want to leave glass where she can reach it. I went to put it straight in the bin like a good responsible adult.

I MISSED THE STINKING BIN.

Alexis, my eternal shadow, was right next to me as the jar bounced off the bin, out of the cupboard and across the kitchen floor, shattering into many many pieces. I yelled out louder than ever before causing Corey to come running in from the garage where he was about to move the car out to sweep. (We have a real estate inspection soon.) He tried to usher me out but I said "no I probably have glass on me so can you take her and bath her and I'll clean it up." Praise God she wasn't hurt but she was a little shocked. Then again she was quite possibly only crying because we removed her from the kitchen against her will, in a similar way that she sounds as though she is being murdered when we try to keep her still to change her nappy.

Alexis kept yelling for mummy, it was heart-breaking and I promptly cut my foot on a small shard of glass anyway, so within minutes I was in the bathroom with the others. I showered while Corey bathed Alexis. Then he had to dress her while I dressed and then she wanted a bottle, of course, so Corey made her a bottle while I tried to distract her with a book. Poor Corey had to clean up the glass and pear and banana goop while I cuddled Alexis.

Corey and I have never let Alexis play with the jars (or the cans) because we feared they would be quite smashy but how many parents would absent-mindedly leave a jar within reach. How many parents would bow to demand and let the toddler attempt to feed itself straight out of the jar. Or how many cranky toddlers would swipe the jar out of their parent's hand. We know how easy it is to underestimate the length of a child's arm.

Glass jars are dangerous. I hope no one is ever seriously hurt by one.

WE INTERUPT THIS RANT WITH A SUBSEQUENT AND MORE INTERESTING STORY....  BE WARNED IT'S FRIVOLOUS AND GROSS.

It seemed for a brief moment that Alexis was going to fall asleep amidst the chaos. The moment vanished in an instant as she slid off my lap and ran around the room.  Her bedroom door was closed to keep her away from any glassy areas, so she explored her wardrobe. I was distracted sitting on the chair picking at my foot making sure there was no glass still in there.  I noticed a slight smell and was about to consider attending to it when Corey walked in.  Alexis virtually exploded in her pants. Impressed with his timing I thought I'd let him deal with it. I stuck around to grab him some wipes and a nappy. As he removed her pants and undid the nappy I was overcome by the stench. "I'm sorry," I said earnestly as I bailed on him to go hurl my dinner up in the bathroom.

Amongst holding my hair and trying not to splash myself I heard Corey yell out "close your door!" Then a desperate, "I need you NOW!" I washed my hands and ran in to find that Corey had been violently ill in the nappy bin. He normally is good at dealing with feral nappies but the sound of my digestive pyrotechnics had been enough to tip him over the edge. Poor darling. I'm torn between feeling guilty and wishing I could vomit in peace for once.  Alexis just stood butt naked on the change table laughing at us both and more than likely feeling quite proud of herself.

This is the third time today my hubby has had to be my knight in shiny armour and save my hide. The first was at 2am when I was on the verge of tears because Alexis just would not go back to sleep. I don't know what I'd do without him. Pregnancy back pain, clumsiness and sensitivity to smell are so much harder to deal with second time around with a toddler in tow. Asking for help is very humbling.  Fortunately Corey understands this and is doing well at trying to ease my discomfort, even if I do make him sick at times.    

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